10 Must Watch Stand-Up Comedians

1. Frankie Boyle

“The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we’ll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.”

He is the unmatched master of black comedy. The Scot has carved a niche for himself on British television owing to his risque act. He has appeared on television shows such as Mock the Week, Never Mind The Buzzcocks and is the host of the show Frankie Boyle’s Tramadol Nights. His material touches upon everything from murder, pedophilia to autism and terrorism. Sprinkled among them are hilarious routines about Scottish people and the foibles of the British society. He has released two live DVDs named Live at the Hackney Empire and If I Could Reach Out Through Your TV and Strangle You I Would. You’ll either find him extremely offensive or extremely funny.

2. Michael McIntyre

“My wife and I both made a list of 5 people we could sleep with. She read hers out and there were no surprises, George Clooney, Brad Pitt etc. I thought ‘Ive got the better deal here’ so I just put down: Your sister”

At first he might look slightly Asian and camp, something he agrees with, but he’s the big thing in comedy right now. Performing in front of full houses around Britain, he is a must watch. His material focuses on everyday life and embarrassing situations that we often find ourselves in. He draws inspiration from the English way of life and his keen observations of human behaviour often result in hilarious routines. His major television appearances have been on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow and Britain’s Got Talent where he serves as a judge; apart from appearances on various panel shows. He has released two DVDs named Live and Laughing and Hello Wembley.

3. Jimmy Carr

“I worry about my nan. If she’s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I’m joking, she’s dead.”

Another British comic completes the top 3 of our list. Jimmy Carr’s unique act features dark humour with an unmatched style of delivery. He might seem posh to you at first but soon his jokes about disability, rape, torture etc. will make you go, “Why am I laughing at that!”. One particular video of him being heckled during a performance has received over 2 million+ hits on YouTube because of the way he dismantles the heckler, completely battering him into submission! On television he hosts the show 8 out of 10 Cats and hosts the annual new year show, The Big Fat Quiz of The Year. He has released 6 DVDs to date named Live, Stand Up, Comedian, In Concert, Telling Jokes, and Making People Laugh.

4. Greg Giraldo

“If you’re going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn’t weigh 450 pounds.”

Greg Giraldo was undoubtedly one of the funniest American comedians around. His death in 2010 came as shock to everyone. A lawyer by profession, he is fondly remembered for his awesome performances on Comedy Central’s annual Roast Specials where he roasted celebrities such as William Shatner, Chevy Chase, Pamela Anderson, Larry the Cable Guy, Bob Saget etc. Despite this, his best work was his stand-up comedy where he really came into his own. Talking about everything from the unhealthy American lifestyle to our unsustainable modern society, he wasn’t just funny, he was intelligent. He mostly performed short specials on Comedy Central and released an album named Good Day To Cross A River and a DVD named Midlife Vices. A truly funny guy who will be missed.

5. Jim Gaffigan

“Whenever you are single, all you see are couples, but whenever you are a couple, all you see are hookers.”

Two words describe this guy: Unbelievably Funny! Seriously I haven’t laughed as much over an hour and a half as I did watching him perform on stage. His mode of delivering the jokes is what sets him apart from the rest. While talking about something he’ll abruptly switch his voice to sound like a member of his audience saying things like “Oh this guy is going to hell”, or “He’s weird!”. He talks about the most mundane stuff around like food or family traditions but somehow manages to extract comedy from them. He has released five albums and two DVDs named Beyond the Pale and King Baby.

6. Jack Dee

“My local’s rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night, first question was, “What the f**k are you looking at?”

Jack Dee’s USP lies in the way he tells his jokes. On stage he comes off as an easily irritated person who just basically hates the world! He slags off everyone from telemarketers to Cockneys (a possible overlap) and mostly does observational comedy with some really loud moments in between. He usually ends his show by reading out comments or SMS’es sent by his audience which results in some truly laugh out loud situations. He has released six shows on VHS and DVDs to date. His last two DVDs Live Again and Live At The Apollo shouldn’t be missed.

7. Danny Bhoy

“I saw corn-fed, farm-reared breast of chicken on the menu of a posh restaurant. I thought, I don’t really care about the chicken’s childhood!”

Part Scottish part Indian, Danny Bhoy is a very funny guy. His comedy is mostly observational and his impressions of people of different nationalities are extremely funny. A lot of his material also focuses on his Scottish heritage and is often hilarious. He appeared on Comedy Central performing a special named Subject to Change and has also performed on Live at The Apollo.

8. Brian Regan

“ I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I was an idiot, but nobody else knew.”

An immensely talented comedian and an equally lovable person, Brian Regan has gained quite a large fan base in the US. His observational and self deprecating humour often leaves audiences in splits. He sometimes does slapstick, physical humour too; just the image of him jumping around on the stage makes me laugh! He has performed specials for Comedy Central and has released three DVDs titled Epitome of Hyperbole, Standing Up and All By Myself.

9. Adam Hills

Adam Hills is Australia’s darling. A genuinely funny comic from down under, he has quickly made a name for himself after appearing on shows such as Mock The Week, Never Mind The Buzzcocks in Britain and has his own weekly talk show named Adam Hills in Gordon Street Tonight on Australian television. What’s unique about his stand-up is that he uses a sign language interpreter for deaf people among his audience. In one routine of his, he actually talks about how sign language is a bit racist! Being from Australia, a lot of his material focuses on Australians and their way of life. His shows often involve interaction with members of the audience and have a general feel good environment about them. Check out his solo work Characterful, Joymonger and Inflatable.

10. Milton Jones

” I once baked a pie and took it to Leeds, Reading and Liverpool. All because my teacher told me to take pie (pi) to three dismal (decimal) places”

On first look he’d probably come across as a homeless person on a bad hair day! But Milton Jones is an incredibly funny comic. His style of humour is based on one-liners and puns. The way he incorporates this play on words into his material is truly brilliant. His deadpan delivery style further adds to the hilarious nature of his jokes which, admittedly, take a couple of seconds to be fully understood and appreciated! He has released one DVD titled Milton Jones Live Universe Tour.

Special Mention:

Russell Peters, Robin Williams, Ed Byrne, Dara O’Braian, Russell Brand, Mark Watson

Going With The Flow: The Placement Blame-Crib Diagram

Prevalent in all major colleges in India, the above diagram illustrates the general behaviour of a student in his/her final year during placement season i.e their first career recruitment. Unrealistic expectations, mood swings, tendency to blame unrelated factors, competing with friends – all come into picture.
Note: The Pundits are not immune to this phenomenon.

Reflections Upon Graduation

It feels like the end of an era, the last of the good old days and the final frontier with life staring from the other side when one graduates from college and into the world beyond the walls of the campus. Facing the realities of life as one leaves college may seem like a daunting prospect and one often feels inept and ill equipped for it. Starting a business, joining the work force, taking the family business forward or even studying further, all require an amount of pre planning and analysis of one’s skills to be able to choose the best among the myriad possibilities. A lot depends on where you see yourself in, say, ten years’ time. Do you see yourself at a desk in an office, or in a rainforest looking to capture the perfect picture? It’s a matter of perspective as a job which is appealing to one person may be the last thing another person would do.

It all boils down to competition in the end, a real life “survival of the fittest” scenario where the best are chosen to occupy the higher ends of the social ladder while the mediocre are shown the door. An entrepreneur will only be successful if he either has a novel idea of a unique start up or he works on an existing idea while making it more efficient and better suited to needs. Similarly, a quality firm will hire you only when you have proven to be better in aptitude, skills, and personality, than your immediate competitors. A family business will stagnate if you do not possess the skills to effectively take it forward while maintaining its legacy. And if you’re looking for an admission into that dream university of yours, it would require clearing entrance exams and various other tests to separate you from the ones who will be rejected. Alas, we all fear rejection! What we forget is that rejection is a kind of a litmus test which tells us what we’ve been missing all along. It often shatters self-confidence but brings us back down to earth so that we evaluate ourselves and then give it another go with all our concerted efforts. If we find that it still hasn’t quite worked out for us, then it’s probably because we have been directing our skills and efforts in the wrong place and a realization that our real competencies lie elsewhere dawns on us.

It’s not unheard of to take time off to re-evaluate ones interests in life before “going with the flow” – something that a majority of us do end up doing. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t allow that kind of breathing space for a young person who is still learning about his inclinations in life. Society inherently demands you to follow the existing trend and often frowns upon anyone who breaks from the rut to pursue their own ambitions. Yet it is how great people are created; people who question trends and have the confidence and aptitude to shape public opinion and social values while leading from the front.

Finally, it is ambition along with faith in ourselves that drives us to prepare for life after graduation. Be it any goal of ours, ambition will help shape our abilities towards achieving it. Because what we all want, in the end, is to look back at our lives and say, “What a journey it’s been!”

 

The Tale Of The Reality Show

This Passive Pundit has on multiple times berated Reality Shows and everything about them. Yet the fact remains that reality shows are today’s rage. Moreover now, genres of reality shows are starting to emerge, ranging from sport-adventure, business, cooking, comedy, general knowledge to performing arts. Then there are those which cannot be categorized simply because, well, they just have people doing nothing and millions of people sitting at home spying on them (And no the show isn’t on Voyeur TV). Hordes of competing shows each with similar yet slightly different formats to keep the audiences hooked is commonplace nowadays. Famous shows occasionally go international too with different language versions cropping up. Sure one might argue that these shows, apart from entertaining, also provide opportunities to participants to win and gain recognition in their respective fields (Susan Boyle, Chris Daughtry, Abhijeet Sawant etc. ) and again in some cases, earn the out-of-work celebrity some severely needed television exposure (The Kamal Khan types that is).

One look at all reality shows and a pattern emerges. Implying that there are basic features that govern a reality show. This being common to almost every reality show with slight variations. So here goes:

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1. The Judge:

Critical, contemptuous, condescending. Almost perfectly describes your average reality show judge. Though some of them do possess sound knowledge of their field of expertise yet their often rude disposition and disdain for the very nervy participant is amusing indeed. Some real talents do get their well deserved applause . But almost all judges seem to have an agenda (probably script written beforehand) of vilifying the performer, often bringing them down to tears. something completely unnecessary. Apparently all matters of acceptable social behaviour are rendered nullified once the camera starts rolling on these reality shows. Then there’s the antics these “judges” perform themselves. Quitting the show on camera, rushing backstage crying, quarelling amongst themselves; these are the asinine stunts which these geniuses-at-work attempt to pull off and completely mocking public intelligence in the process. As if one couldn’t see through these well-rehearsed, often scripted lies that are meant to add spice to the show and keep the audiences hooked. “More (melo)drama continues after the commercial break”, is what the presenter ought to say.

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2. The Contestant

One couldn’t completely discount the participants for making the reality show experience so distasteful either. If the judges are blamed to be too harsh on the participants, it’s often because of certain participants who are moronic beyond belief. These people appear to have joined in a cause to humiliate themselves on national television! Their purpose isn’t to actually register a commendable performance, but to gain some time on tv, just for the heck of it. Luckily these calamities are often eliminated in the early stages before they start wrecking our lives along with theirs. But even the talented ones that do make it through sometimes behave in uncultured ways. Again, more often than not their behaviour is dictated by the ever TRP hungry reality show makers who consider public swearing, and brawling amongst contestants as good agents of developing attention.

3.  The Host

What wonders me the most is what might be the criteria that reality shows use to pick their hosts. Maybe any obsessive, excessively jovial, emotionally inanimate jock that tickles their fancy. But again, out of work celebrities are preferred. As if the show wasn’t irritating itself, these harbingers of all things tedious keep appearing on screen to deliver line after line of repetitive monologues that never seem to serve any useful purpose. And each time they start every part of my body seems to scream, “We don’t need your opinion on how the performance was, you cretin!”. Regulations must dictate that this person spend the least time in front of the camera i.e do their job of introducing the contestant and announcing the result and fade into the backdrop. But alas, if it was for reality tv regulations lives would’ve been so much simpler.

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4. The Music + The Voice-over Guy:

The insipid  music and the computer-generated-voice like announcer guy add to the sickening experience of the reality show. Drumrolls, percussionary bangs, loud techno sound effects are commonly used. The kind of music you’d expect in a discotheque in fact.  And on the complete flip side, horror, goosebumps inducing, mortal peril, near death kind of music like the type you would hear in psycho killer movies. The arrangements are designed to be catchy too so as to create a unique identity for the reality show. One note played, and you’d know which reality show’s turn it is now to torture you internally. Then there’s the omnipresent Voice-over guy who seems to be watching everything from up above. From a safe distance in fact, yet he’s got all the inside info. No one’s actually ever sees this guy but still everyone eagerly anticipates his golden words. He’s got a scary and irritating voice too. I mean, who ever talks like that in real life? If they did, they’d be laughed at and mocked to no end! But it’s reality tv, so all sense of reasoning takes a corner seat.

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In conclusion, the bitter ride that is a reality show is indeed a series of unnecessary, yet knowingly, built in annoyances that divert the attention from the actual show itself. We may complain, but the fact remains that these mediums of mind boggling absurdities are here to stay.

Of Deliberate, Compassionate Conscience and The Following Silence

“Oh Demonic world, we doth behold,
How prices flew? How conscience sold?
How darkness loomed, how grave the shame
All lost in loss, absorbed deep in blame.”

Tainted Telecom minister A.Raja

As I watched a debate on a noted TV news channel last night, my stomach curled up in rage. My conscience mocked, I brooded as the gentlemen and women involved threw brickbats and bouquets at each other. Over what might you question? Passive through we are, we refuse to remain silent when the scoundrel of a thief, plays the kingmaker (read Raja).

Dr. Manmohan Singh has been playing his cards efficiently in the recent past, placing his accomplices under his protective care, ensuring robust protection to those who cement his existence the most.

Brand Congress has seen its image tarnished and tattered in the last couple of months. Be it the Adarsh Co-operative Housing Society Scam or the mismanagement at the Commonwealth Games at Delhi; the Congress will find it difficult to resurface to the near-pinnacle location that it had found itself at. With the 2-G scam making a backdoor entry, just at the completion of the games in Delhi, the party has been hit hook-line and sinker.

What would be interesting to the observer is how the chieftain of the herd would retort. Mr. Suresh Kalmadi was sacked under desperate circumstances. Amidst hectic midnight parleys, AK Antony and Mr. Pranab Mukherjee, the loyalist faces of the Congress chose Mr. Prithviraj Chavan as the successor to the beleaguered Mr. Ashok Chavan.
Common logic would suggest – Shouldn’t Raja too get the boot? Why not?

As the entire country looks up to this man, the Prime Minister of the world’s largest democracy for his judgment, we simply wonder- is it really arriving at all? This beacon of conscience and principles is caged within the darkness of silence. I allude a line that I recall from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar to the predicament that all of us are in -“The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power”.

Must not the ministry be purged of all its inherent evil elements? Has the stability of the ministry become a greater liability to the esteemed Prime Minister of the nation, than the existence of righteousness? He might have made good beginnings by sacking two very prominent officials of the country, but it just wasn’t enough. He must complete what he had set out to resolve.

The Prime Minister is acting right now towards the upcoming Tamil Nadu, as well as the General Elections much ahead. It is a well-thought out act to garner some precious Tamil seats. However, had the country elected the NDA to destroy the present for the benefit of the future? No, we hadn’t. Dr. Singh must come out with a verdict soon.

Let’s discuss the figures to familiarize you with the loss. The country lost crores in revenue, over seven times the amount upon which various agreements were made during President Obama’s visit. The amount was enough to feed the entire country hundreds of times over. Such was the revenue that the 2G auction could have generated. But alas, the king (‘Raja’) had other plans.

Road Sense 101: Road Signs and What They Really Mean

Have a problem perceiving things the right way? Does your mind tell you to do the complete opposite of what you’re told to do? Well worry not then, ‘coz you’re one among the millions of Indians who suffer from the precise same problem and don’t even know about it. A brilliant place to find these geniuses at work is on our very own Indian roads. Highways, main streets, crossroads, level crossings, flyovers, gullies and where not, you’ll always find one of your kind. And that’s uniquely Indian.

Road signs. Meant to guide the driver and to effectively manage traffic without the actual need of a human. More often than not though, Indian drivers mysteriously perceive these road signs as completely different instructions. Let’s have a look at some examples:

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Really Means: Straight prohibited or No Entry

Perceived Meaning: Drive right through, we’ve been expecting you.

Also Perceived as: What? A challenge? I’m going in.

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Really Means: One way sign

Perceived Meaning: See if you can dodge oncoming traffic and wedge your way through. Don’t worry, as long as you’ve got change in your wallet we’ll handle the police.

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Really Means: Pedestrians prohibited

Perceived Meaning: The world is your oyster and nothing’s out of bounds for you! Please feel free to use the street for all purposes that you may require it for. Littering will be appreciated.

Really Means: Left turn prohibited (Another variant is the Right turn prohibited sign)

Perceived Meaning: Free left turn at all times. Do watch out for competing traffic though and do NOT let those bastards past you.

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Really Means: U-Turn prohibited

Perceived Meaning: Don’t take this seriously. It’s an inverted U after all.

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Really Means: Overtaking Prohibited

Perceived Meaning: In case the vehicle ahead is slowing your highness down, mow down the prick and/or make a rude gesture while overtaking him from any direction of your choice.

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Really Means: Horns prohibited

Perceived Meaning: Pump up the volume, pump up the volume!

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Really Means: No Parking

Perceived Meaning: Look around. Do you see anyone else parking here? Yes? Alright go ahead. No? Alright go ahead.

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Really Means: Speed Limit 50 km/h

Perceived Meaning: Don’t drive like a freaking 50 year old. Hit the pedal!

Also Perceived as: Driving below 50 km/h will prove beyond a doubt that you’re a pussy.

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Really Means: Stop

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Perceived Meaning: Random red octagon trying to spoil my driving experience.

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Really Means: Give Way

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Perceived Meaning: Drive defensively taking the inside line. Evade any attempts of tailgating by swearing loudly.

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Really Means: Pedestrian crossing

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Perceived Meaning: Pedestrian challenge ahead. Dodge as many possible for extra points.

Also Perceived as: Zebra crossing is for sissies!

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Really Means: School ahead

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Perceived Meaning: School challenge ahead. Hang around for hot teachers. Make toddlers cry for bonus points.

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Really Means: Cross road

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Perceived Meaning: Cross over to the other side before people from the other three directions get the same idea. Ignore all red lights at all costs.

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Really Means: Gap in median

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Perceived Meaning: Gap too far ahead! Must make my own gap in the median here. Proceed to cut across the median and over to the other side. Act macho afterwards.

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Really Means: Roundabout

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Perceived Meaning: Driving in circles was never productive. Navigate through the traffic in a perfectly straight line.

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Really Means: Barrier ahead

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Perceived Meaning: Barrier to your successful attempt at flouting the rules ahead. Unmount the vehicle and proceed by ducking under the obstruction for a full standing ovation.

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Another name for this post could be Sarcasm 101, as I’ve been told. But you’ve got to admit the fact that some of these made you chuckle (at least some?). If they didn’t then you’re one of the people I’m taking a piss at here (if you’re not, feel free to check out possibly funnier posts on the blog)

10 Perceptions of the Indian Kind

Just a few days away from India’s independence, we witness changes that have sporadically evolved throughout these years. Changes that have been truly dynamic and changes that have definitely shaped the society that we live in today.

We might have evolved socially, economically and are definitely much more tougher inside than we were 63 years ago. But some things still remain as they were.  We apparently forgot to go beyond the full-stop a couple of times. I have compiled a list of 10 such instances. Hope that you agree and inform us of several more.

So here are the top 10 uncanny Perceptions of the Indian Kind.

1) That all Sardars hail from Punjab.

2) That only white-skinned people are foreigners.

3) That Onion and Garlic fall under the category of Non-vegetarian food.

4) That the character of the groom is judged by his educational qualification prior marriage.

5) That heavy discounts put on some products cannot make the product inferior.

6) That the beauty of a place  is judged by the number of tourist spots located there.

7) That the number of children borne is seen as more of a hobby.

8) That one must possess certain electronic equipment despite having any requirement.

9) That the national anthem might just be Vande Mataram.

10) That the end of all education leads to an engineering or a medical college.

I sincerely hope that we can definitely get over these in the next couple of years. Claim as you  strongly might, these social stigma or utter carelessness are much prevalent in our society today.

Jai Hind!  Jai Bharat!

The Convergence of Convenience

We are, undeniably, living in an age of convergence. A convergence of ideas, cultures and technology which transcends even the most well defined boundaries. Practicality is the name of the game in the present environment where time is of the essence and every minute wasted is translated into money lost. In other words, time has evolved into a sort of a financial aspect which corporates keep tabs on owing to the cut throat competition. If your device takes more time than your rival’s to process a task, it is considered redundant and is substituted. There is no room for complacency because the minute you develop a piece of software or hardware, your rival will have developed a more efficient one. Hence the process of evolution is continuous and the consumer is left with a plethora of choices for his every need. Whether that’s a boon or a bane is a subject of debate. That technology today caters to almost every human need is a fact that needn’t be argued upon; yet there is always that longing for that elusive piece of the tech puzzle that would represent the ultimate convergence of human conveniences.

The humble Mobile Phone has gone a long way since it’s first, almost prehistoric, form. It no longer is just a device to make calls and send messages. Current mobile phones do so much more. No longer do you need a separate mp3 player or a camera or even a laptop, because the mobile phone of today is a convergence of all these technologies into just one, highly mobile and efficient device. Applications and software for smartphones have various utilities which further reduce the need for separate hardware. An array of operating systems are now being implemented on mobile phones and the dominance of Symbian Java is under threat by OS’s such as Windows Mobile, Palm OS, Linux, MeeGo, Maemo etc. The Android OS developed by Google features multitasking and is capable of running virtual operating systems, which is surely a great feature for developers and geeks alike. The 4G standards aim at providing the user with a data rate of 100 Mbit/s while the client physically moves at high speeds relative to the station, and 1 Gbit/s while client and station are in relatively fixed positions. This means that streaming of HDTV programming, video chat, MMS etc. will all be seamlessly available to the user on the move, with ease.

Laptops, which were once seen as the ultimate replacement for its bulky counterpart – the Desktop, is now under threat by Netbooks. Optimized for low cost and low weight, they are an ideal companion for the businessman on the move providing him with everything from business applications, Internet on the move, to entertainment; all with great battery life. Another competitor in this area is the Tablet PC. It is a laptop PC equipped with a stylus and a touchscreen which aims at providing a more-mobile and highly functional alternative to the laptop. It provides the user the choice of operating system that he prefers which further gives it an edge over similar devices. Yet the power of the Laptop is its saving grace. A high end laptop can easily compete with a Desktop PC and deliver the same if not better user experience in gaming, software development, animation etc.

Derivatives of the Tablet PC are PDA’s and eBook readers that are so in vogue these days. Even though they do not provide a choice of OS for the user, and are quite rigid in their application, these devices are battling for a chunk of the market share among computing devices. eBook readers are optimized for reading books in the digital format. A huge library of eBooks available online complements these devices. The recently introduced Apple iPad is the perfect example. It’s an eBook reader equipped with bluetooth, WiFi and 3G, truly representing a convergence of technologies. It’s competitors, the Adam tablet, HP Slate, Amazon Kindle etc. are great alternatives with better features at a similar and sometimes even less cost.

Among this revolution of mobile gadgetry there is a dark horse that is still putting up a fight. The Television is not far behind in implementing the latest technologies and integrating itself with various other devices. Notwithstanding it’s bulky nature, the latest HDTV’s, 3DTV’s, Plasma, LED and LCD televisions are still competing in the home entertainment market. The quality of picture and sound delivered by these televisions is currently unmatched by any laptop. Internet Protocol Television (IPTV) is a great example of one technology adapting itself to another. IPTV is a system through which internet television services are delivered over the internet and broadband Internet access networks, instead of being delivered through traditional radio frequency broadcast, or cable television. Coupled with complementary Satellite TV technology, the IPTV provides a new level of interactive services to the user with a huge range of channels to choose from every part of the world and features of live television, time-shifted programming, and video on demand delivered right to the users living room.

VeriChip's implantable RFID device

The next level of live, boundless, wireless human interaction with technology is the Microchip. A human microchip implant is an integrated circuit device or RFID transponder encased in silicate glass and implanted in the body of a human being. An implant typically contains a unique ID number that can be linked to information contained in an external database, such as personal identification, medical history, medications, allergies, and contact information. No longer would you need to carry a wallet containing money or a number of credit cards for shopping. The microchip would contain all information of your bank accounts and this would be used for all transactions. A device that actually resides in you and becomes a part of you. A true representation of convergence indeed.

But with it comes the hazards of the compromise of privacy. We have already granted access to our personal details, likes, dislikes to major websites through social networking and other means knowingly or otherwise. Imagine the near future where governments have  made microchip implants compulsory on grounds of keeping a continuous eye on its citizens. Coupled with data gathered from your Internet activity, every little  private information of every person would be available and then stored in databases following which every move of yours would be watched. An uncomfortable proposition indeed.

We stand at the cusp of a technological revolution. A revolution which in itself is evolving through our search for that decisive technology which would quench our eternal thirst for convenience. Let us hope though that this revolution sets us free instead of making us slaves to our own creations.

Independent India?

As this pundit blogs this post, I merely reminisce the long years ago when we made a tryst with destiny- the destiny which Nehru pompously talked of as he declared India independent at the stroke of midnight hour. The days of yore when our forefathers were unshackled from the tyranny of opression. The days of yore when Economic and Social freedom was just within our grasp.

But at the theshhold of our 63rd year of independece, I merely remark – Have we really made a tryst with THAT Destiny? A country plagued by anomalies aboud. A country whose every single process is asymbiotic in nature. A country where the celebration of the flag hoisiting is limited to sardonic speeches, the tempestuous yawns behind the same speaker and the oppotunity for the commoner to rejoice at a very rare paid holiday!

It is remarkable to perceive that our country has more liquor stores that it has primary schools. That drunkards force children out of schools, to enact the role of  wage-earners, merely  to meet their devilish desires – is a shame. That the babus distribute liquor bottles to attract crowds to rallies rather than food and clothing, is an even greater shame.

The Fundamental Rights promised to us  by Part III of out constitution is still a very distant dream. Where is the Right to freedom from exploitation, when realtors, in tow with the petty administration, forcibly evict the downtrodden from their homes overnight? Where is the right to equality when you make reservations to government positions on the basis of caste alone?

All roads in this great nation of ours lead to the footsteps and bank accounts of the top brass alone. Once the common man is sucked into this immaculate vortex, it is seemingly inconceivable for him to return unscathed. A very limited number of honorary men own this nation, whose apparent honorary duty is to bestow these powers to their even more honorary offspring.

At that stroke of midnight hour, our country was gaining freedom from the shackles of a nuclearized nation, integrating itself for the tough roads ahead. Have we fallen back into those days of derision where states are manufactured merely at the behest of sectarian desires? The political leaders of our country are everything but Jan-Sevaks. The are more of Rashtriya Swayam Sevaks(National self-workers), interested in meeting their own devilish needs. Shakespeare once quote in one of his works – “Oh Judgement thou art fled to brutish beassts, and men have lost their reason.’ Judgement has truly gone to the dogs – leaving us , the commoners gaping cluelessly for answers.

Jai Hind!

Jai Bharat!

The New World Order: Delivered At Your Doorstep

“Until now, the world we’ve known has been a world divided – a world of barbed wire and concrete block, conflict and cold war. Now, we can see a new world coming into view. A world in which there is the very real prospect of a New World Order.” – George Bush Sr. March 6, 1991

Very comforting words indeed to the untrained mind. The idea of a new world without any boundaries is very appealing indeed. Globalization was the term coined to represent this merging of international states, bound by common causes such as Trade, Human Resource, Natural Resource and Defence. The United Nations, The European Union, World Trade Organization; all devices working towards precisely that end. The above extract from the infamous speech by the then president of the United States, George Bush Sr., delivered to the Congress has been quoted often by the believers of the New World Order. What is the New World Order, though? One source defines it as “The emergence of a bureaucratic collectivist one-world government”. One government to rule all.  A scary prospect indeed.

The world in its current form consists of an array of different governances. Democracy, Monarchy, Communist state, Parliamentary etc. Each country diverse from another, no country directly dependent on another for its survival. Each country free to exploit its resources in its own way without the interference of another. A balanced system of self dependence where trade between countries is aimed for the benefit of both. Now imagine a situation where all the countries of the world have been united and brought under the rule of a single government. One government that owns all the resources of every country. Every country bound by the laws of this government and all the military forces owned and commanded by it. A united world indeed, but at the cost of independence and basic freedom. Who would head such a government? A powerful and secretive elite with a globalist agenda who have been, since centuries, preparing to rule the world through a totalitarian world government. In popular culture they have been called the Illuminati or the Freemasons. Call them what you like, their agenda remains the same.

How far have they succeeded? Well, farther than most of us would like to think. Think about all the times you have been led to believe that a “United World” would do us all good. A singular world where people from different nations come together and live in harmony. If you have, then thats one step further you have taken towards accepting the New World Order. What you have failed to realize that with such a global society comes the loss of individual identity. Culture, traditions, practices, beliefs all come under a very real threat of annihilation. The entire population branded with serial numbers and codes for identification. Seems very Hollywoodish, doesn’t it?

Who takes the movies seriously anyways? Do you get the point now?

So how is the change taking place? Well, it’s not something that going to happen all of a sudden. It’s a gradual process of deception and a series of carefully thought out tactics. The devices used for this purpose are varied and are often disguised as innocent and necessary. But rest assured each in it’s own capacity is a sick plot to rid us of our identities. A list of some of the more publicized deceptions follows. Detailed descriptions are beyond the scope of this article, so we have provided links for further research.

1. Global Warming:

The idea of man-made global warming came as a shock to the world when it was first proposed. The current climatic variations have all been attributed to activities carried out by man that release greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. Cyclones, hurricanes, floods, tsunamis, all natural events which have occurred since centuries are now being blamed upon climate change made by man. It’s printed in text books and taught to children as the only reason behind the rise in global temperatures. Developing countries were blamed for unsustainable development and caps on carbon emission by industries, carbon tax and carbon credits were proposed. This would severely hinder any industrial progress. Various treaties like the Kyoto Protocol and the UN Climate Summit were created and accepted by major economies. In November 2009, an internet leak of thousands of emails and other documents from the University of East Anglia’s Climatic Research Unit revealed misconduct within the climate science community and allegations that climate scientists had colluded to withhold scientific information, interfered with the peer-review process to prevent dissenting scientific papers from being published, deleted raw data, or manipulated data to make the case for global warming appear stronger than it is, were made. This came to be known as Climategate. Various documentaries connecting the false notion of man made global warming with global governance have since been made but never been shown by the mass media which continues to spread the idea. Misinformed NGO’s further complicate the process of educating the masses about this elaborate hoax.

Useful links:

http://www.openthemagazine.com/article/international/the-hottest-hoax-in-the-world

http://www.globalwarminghoax.com/news.php

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/3635446/The_Great_Global_Warming_Swindle_2007_(XviD)

2. False Flag Operations:

False flag operations are covert operations which are designed to deceive the public in such a way that the operations appear as though they are being carried out by other entities. The name is derived from the military concept of flying false colors; that is, flying the flag of a country other than one’s own. The 9-11 attacks on the United States is one prime example. Numerous documentaries and websites have investigated these attacks and have conclusively concurred that these were well planned attacks carried out not by Al-Qaeda or any other terrorist organisation, but the CIA. The War on Terror was then hatched and the blame was immediately put on Osama Bin Laden, through falsified video tapes in which he takes the blame for the attacks, and hence the war on Afghanistan followed. Then Saddam Hussein was targeted and the war on Iraq was carried out on the pretext of “conclusive evidence” that it possessed weapons of mass destruction, which till date haven’t been found. By attacking these helpless countries, the elite have managed to take control of their governments and so now the rulers of these states function like well rehearsed puppets of their masters up above. How much would you bet upon the fact that Iran is next in line?

Useful Links:

http://www.911truth.org/

http://www.infowars.com/category/september-11/

http://www.infowars.com/category/iran/

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5235858/Loose.Change.911.An.American.Coup.2009.PROPER.DVDRip.XviD-VoMiT.

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5082554/9_11_Conspiracy_September_Clues_NO_PLANE_Theory-DivxMonkey

3. The European Union:

The European Union (EU) is an economic and political union of 27 member states established by the Treaty of Maastricht in 1993. The EU has since adopted a singular currency and established a system of courts, councils and even a parliament. A constitution was also created for all EU members and by virtue of the Lisbon Treaty the Charter of Fundamental Rights of the European Union was elevated to legally binding status. It sums itself up in its “Preface”, which states that it is intended (a) “to bring citizens closer to the European design” (b) “to organise politics” and (c) “to develop […] a model in the new world order“. If this “constitution” is accepted, this de facto tyranny, will be entrenched, and the development of democracy will be stunted, and possibly abandoned permanently, initially, under a pan-continental, and ultimately, under a global, de jure dictatorship. David Noakes, a staunch opposer of the EU, during his research into the fine print of the EU found that the Lisbon Treaty when signed by Britain on 1st January 2009 in fact abolished Britain. The Treaty “takes primacy” over the British Constitution which it thereby abolished, and with it the nations of Britain and England; it gives the EU the power to close the Westminster Parliament. Member countries like Spain, Hungary, Greece are now debt-ridden and under deep recession because of the consequences of the EU. Bailouts of these economies by the IMF will then put these economies further into the clutches of the elitist who will soon take control over them.

Useful Links:

http://eutruth.org.uk/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDn5UN7HpRw&feature=PlayList&p=A68711776DF7589F&index=0&playnext=1

These are just the few major deceptions of our times that are being used against us to ultimately bind us into slavery. Fake Pandemics (Bird Flu, Swine Flu), Vaccinations, False idea of the existence of Aliens, UFO’s, Extensive spying by governments are other tools of the perpetrators of the New World Order.

Miscellaneous Links:

http://www.davidicke.com/forum/index.php

http://rikijo.blogspot.com/

http://theflucase.com/

http://www.prisonplanet.com/

http://www.infowars.com/

Controlled media plays an undeniably significant role in keeping the general public in the dark. Every major television network is ultimately controlled by the elitists. The news that you watch is what they want you watch. The movies of our times have further helped the cause by portraying anyone who questions established “facts” as Conspiracy Theorists. A very misleading term which immediately brings to mind, a lunatic, mentally depraved individual who has no place in society and whose opinions are laughed at. At the same time it must also be asserted that you should not believe in every theory. Apart from well researched truths there is a lot of misinformation out there too. Many false messiahs who claim to know the “real truth”. Careful investigation into such matters in necessary and you will be able to draw your own conclusions.

Ultimately it’s our actions that will make the difference. It’s time we wake up and resist the evil plan of the elitist to take control of our lives. Spread the word and soon we’ll find ourselves in a revolution to set us free.

In the words of the anti-nwo band Muse:

“They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious”

(Certain facts represented have been well researched and inferred from Wikipedia and other such reliable websites)