Posts Tagged ‘Mamata Banerjee’

The Top 10 Superheroes in Indian Politics

As kids, we would gape into the television sets in sheer awe of these strange and yet, unearthly figures. Terrific superpowers, classy villas up on rooftops and yes, the all very promiscouous WAG’s (read Women and Girlfriends) thronging them by their sides. The superheroes had it made didn’t they – Power, Fame and Immortality!! I wish I had some bottle with a dash of superhero elixir in it.
Notwithstanding thoughts, ideas and passions that may seep through our veins ; didnt you know that we had these superheroes in our  very back yard? Sounds incredulous? For all you doubting toms, they’re a train ride away. Yes, they’re all in New Delhi. The elected representatives of the largest democracy of the world. Yes thats them all right.
Statistics and votes apart, what makes them all mighty are a few very good reasons. Truant as they always are, they shirk away from responsibility despite the countless rules framed. That takes a lot of guts, doesn’t it? They’ve got a posse of security( read police and goons) covering their every step. And they’ve got more followers on Facebook and Twitter than this blog has visits till date!! Definite characteristics of a superhero I might add.
The Passive pundits have finally released a list of 10 Jan-Sevaks who trule deserve to be counted as the heavy-weight superheroes of Indian Polity. The list contains the names of only those elected to the houses of Parliament.
1) Sonia Gandhi –  Don Sonia

She is undoubtedly the prima donna of Indian politics at present. She posses a very unusual garb for a superhero indeed. Her Italian Devanagri or her Devanagri Italian can be confusing- leaving the evil doers at a trance. She would then use her pallu to wallop the felon black and blue.
2) Manmohan Singh – Turbanator
Move over Harbhajan, the true Turbanator is here. Leading the life of an Economist whilst day, he dons the blue turban at night – giving dashes of nyctophobia to  goons who upset world peace. A dedicated side-kick to Don Sonia, he his the ultimate managerial taskmaster, who keeps the insanity in his cabinet at bay.
3) Mamata Banerjee – Lady Trainina
She is said to have risen from the sands of the hinterland. An emancipator of the downtrodden from the injustice of the powers-that be. Her war cry of Ma! Mati! Manush! ( Mother! Land! people!) sends shivers down the spine. A very simple attire really, nothing much to brag about. She abhors useless expenditure and, like Santa Claus, is said to provide trains right upto your doorstep if you’ve been nice.
4) Laloo Prasad Yadav – Two Face
The man who held sway at one time has been finding it tough to keep up with publicity. Once the Lord Trainina at the helm, he his now a part of an alliance, all prepared to wage a war to return to the higher echelons of power. I call him Two-FAce as he was once at power, doing good deeds for the masses, but now fights a bitter war to seek justice.
5) Jairam Ramesh – Captain Planet

Ever since the demise of Captain Planet from Cartoon Network, the world desperately needed a hero-figure to “take pollution down to zero”. No, he doesn’t have five planeteers with five rings each and, and neither does he have Gaia, the earth spirit by his side. This superhero might as well have the most enemies at his opposite end – Other superheroes, industrial supremos, environmental organizations – who swear to his oust. But cool as a cucumber with tufts of hair on opposite ends he simply blurts out – ” The POWER IS YOURS”.
6) Kapil Sibbal –  The Che
Viva LA REVOLUCION, is this superhero’s warcry.  He echoed ‘go!’ right  from the very onset, and charged past all-barriers. His revolutionary work much alludes to that of  the legendary Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevarra. A superhero not through powers, but definitely one in sprirt. A superhero much to be praised for and not to be mocked.
7) L. K. Advani-Safrroclops

His favourite colour is saffron. Lord Rama is his favourite god. He loves riding the ‘Chariot’ and he goes for weekend trips to Ayodhya, being his favourite destination. He bursts out saffron flashes of light whenever he takes off those glasses of his. He’s  a protoge of Atal Behari Vajpayee, aka Professor AB, who is now mostly confined to the chair.
8) Nitin Gadkari- The Incredible Hulk

A few months ago this behemoth well to be honest, cam out of nowhere in Indian politics. I heard the name first, and then exclaimed in ____, this guy  to lead the B-Men ( read BJP). I wondered what profound sense had driven them to conclude thus?? Nevertheless, A hulk in size , shape and definitely width a punch from his wrist would send the opponent whizzing past the Char Dhams in an instant. Despite an awkward sense during public speeches, for which he he has been repreoached repeately by the opposition, the hulk hopes to keep afloat.
9) A. Raja  – Doctor Do Little

This superhero hasn’t  infact been doing much but actually very little and has been the most nascent of all of these superheroes. He is mostly seen in telecom spectra and holds talks with telecom giants. He has doctored up so much for the BSNL employees, that they’re crying at the hands of uncouthly privatization. He has just retired and we are told , leads a quiet life in the hills near Ooty.
10) P. Chidambaram – Rambo

Fighting terrorists has always been his forte. Guerrila Warfare is currently his newest skill. The Naxals have literally put a price on his head. Armed with hundreds of jawans at his side, the man with miniscule brawns storms into the jungles, seeking to flush out rebels from the murky jungle depths. This Tamil Rambo is uncannily fluent in the Queen’s tongue.So, here’s a warning to the Naxals, the countless terrorist orgnizations in Pakistan with the prefix Al, the terrorist front on the North-East and all the insurgent groups within the Indian borders, beware!!


Mamata Didi on the naming spree

The inherent urge to return to power after half a decade can drive most politicians of our country to unfathomable limits. They are obligated to delve deep into all available resources. But does his locale extend to the centre alone? Gone are the days where a person would rule all of the Roman empire from the Senate alone. Those were the yester years. Politicians have realized the odd necessity of the presence of their iron hand from both home and away. Home? One might ask. Does it not immediately imply that the nation is ones home? Sectarian politics has divided the state into regional monolingual fragments.

Is it not amusing to ponder over that we were barbaric millennia ago, all blissful in our specific, miniscule domains. The urge to improve civilization required of us to share resources and knowledge. Our territories began to expand and flourish. But there was an apparent and absurd volte-face to the matter of things. Our territories shrunk and we are now back where we came from.

Mamata Banerjee, the honorable Railway-Minister of the country is devout to the above principle in her work ethics. A die-hard fanatic for the so-called ‘upliftment’ of West Bengal, she is known to most Bengalis here as merely Didi(the word here means elder sister). An ideal representation of simplicity, she would always be found in here white sari and hawai chappals, in during the Parliament session.

But, what most of the world is not aware of is her very weird sense of nomenclature. I really don’t mean to offend her or any of her party supporters here, but Didi, you really need someone for this job. Really, do hire someone who’d give proper names to things. I take a few examples to support my claims.

A year or so ago, the Metro Railway in Kolkata had been extended till Garia, a suburb in the city. The extension was a blessing for the masses. She couldn’t have timed the inauguration better, holding it dead before the festival season. It was a definite bulls-eye for her party’s resurgence campaign in the state of West Bengal. Now the extension came with new stations. So Didi hatched up a plan. She names the new stations right after famous Bengali personalities. Names as famous as the noted actor of yore, Uttam Kumar, or the very popular Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose were up for grabs.

But the irony that remains here is it doesn’t sound too well in the local tongue. Say for example, if I were to go a station, Netaji, what I’d have to ask at the ticket counter would loosely be translated as Give me one Netaji, or for that matter, give two Netajis. Its ridiculous and absurd. Moreover, the outsider would gape in amazement at his amazement if he were unable to correlate between the actual place and the station name. What drags the matter to further inanity is the fact that some ticket vendors are themselves clueless about the said correlation.

Dumb takes newer strides as a plan for the said Metro was taken up at its northern end. Three more new stations, the terminus being at Dakhineshwar, famed for the spiritual Sri Ramakrishna and his disciple Swami Vivekananda and Sarada ma. Guess what, these stations would too be named after them, that too in the same ridiculous way.

Her stupidity sees no bounds. She reported to the press that the Park Circus station would be redeveloped and, guess what, renamed after Mother Teresa.  What was funny, you might ask. Funny,  because there is no Park Circus station on the entire metro network at all. What was she trying to develop- a ghost station after the famous patron saint?

This last one was a definite home- run that I had glanced through this very morning. She intended to create a medical college on the land, just along the railway tracks! And the crème-de-la-crème, A railway station would be established close by, and this was to, yes, named after, of all people, Bahadur Shah Zafar, the last Mughal Emperor of the country. My history tells me that the emperor was last seen in captivity, languishing in the British prison at erstwhile Rangoon, now Yangon. This is as close the emperor got the Bengal.

Didi, do name stations as they be rightfully suited. Respect and remember the contributions of great men and ask yourself for once- have I done something really right? For what apparently appears, she has stolen their glory only to  satisfy the needs of her and her party’s political needs and held it in shameful captivity.