Gym Class Zeroes: 5 Dudes That You Need To Steer Clear Of


Anyone who works out at the local gym knows this. There are 5 kinds of dudes at every gym. You can hate them, despise them but you can never ignore them.

Zero Number One: The “I don’t need to hit the gym, but I want everyone to drool at the well-sculpted body of mine when I wear my body hugging tee” dude

This guy wont stop until he’s sure everyone in the gym has noticed him. He’ll walk around for no apparent reason, will do crunches in odd places, and will pour water on himself as if he’s been walking barefoot for miles in some desert. He’ll make weird faces while doing push ups, weird noises while doing dumbbells and will even try to give you fitness advice. He’ll even lesson you on various techniques and will try to correct you in almost every exercise you do. Overall, Zero number one is one to be avoided at all costs if you want to leave the gym with your self esteem in one piece.

Zero Number Two: The “I can and will beat your calorie burnt count on every machine that you use” dude

This dude is downright scary. He’ll chase you throughout your gym routine trying to go one up on everything you do. You manage 50 crunches, he’ll do 51. You burn 100 calories on the mill, he’ll push himself until he almost passes out but will still beat you. And when he absolutely cannot beat you, he’ll give you that look of absolute loathing and you’ll wish that you were never born at all.

Zero Number Three: The “I don’t know how I got here and I have no idea what any machine here does” dude

This guy looks as nervous as Bambi learning to stand up. He’ll sweat without working out, will avoid large electronic machines for fear of being electrocuted and will ask you awkward questions like “Sweat conducts electricity, doesn’t it?”. He’s most probably in the gym because his girlfriend or his parents told him to go, or was tricked by a friend who most cruelly told him that working out was “fun”.

Zero Number Four: The “Huh! This gym has no equipment. I’ve been to loads of  gyms and this one is the worst” dude

Even though he has a belly and visibly looks overweight, this guy will boast that he has been to every gym in town as if it were a matter of great pride and valor. He’ll sneer at everything in the gym, narrating stories of how well equipped other gyms in the town were. He’s also the most talkative dude in the gym and wont stop until you’ve heard him talk about XYZ gym at ABC street for the hundredth time. You will also be surprised to find out that he has still subscribed for your gym for the rest of the year.

Zero Number Five: The “Dude how did you do that!” dude

This dude will actually make you feel good about yourself even though you weigh about the same as a hippo on a McDonald’s diet. He’ll ask for tips to improve his routine even though he’s actually not that overweight. He’ll treat you like his personal trainer and will ask you to supervise all his exercises which you will happily agree to do. He’s also the most cheerful person in the gym. He’ll never miss a day and will expect the same from you. He thinks you define the word Fitness and will revere you so much so that you’ll wonder if he’s hitting on your sister or hoping to get laid with your girlfriend.

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